I want to make this offer right now: if President Clinton is serious about passing legislation that will require theater owners to ask for picture ID's for R-rated films, I will help at least two kids a week to get into the cheesy horror film or juvenile sex comedy of their choice. It's the least I can do for the Great Nation that allowed me to sneak into "Animal House" and "Apocalypse Now" long before my 18th birthday.

I'm sorry. I'm a bit angry today. I blame Hollywood. I blame everything on Hollywood. Every murder since 30 B.C. is traceable back to Quentin Tarantino, every natural disaster traceable back to Irwin Allen, every case of lactose intolerance to Bernardo Bertolucci... Thank God the President's gotten wise to these bastards.
 

California may be the richest state in the union, but it paid some dear blood to get that way. California Shipwrecks, a presentation of the California State Lands Commission, seeks out the facets of the dream that were lost to the Pacific. There's the Brother Johnson, a steamer lost in 1865 while trying to make harbor in Crescent City; the rock that split its hull now bears its name. In 1856, the barque Isabelita Hyne ran ashore in the bay of Maria Montez; its captain was found in pieces, fueling rumors that a mutiny had taken place over its cargo of tea, sugar and rice. The page has these and a half-dozen other fascinating stories to tell, all true.
 

"The world is too big and too intricate to conform to our ideas of what it should be like." So says techno pioneer Moby in the notes to his latest release, "Play." The statement begins a rant against fundamentalism, but on a personal level, Moby must have realized that the truism applies to his art, as well - and after more or less creating breakbeats and remixing everyone from Michael Jackson to the Chenical Brothers, the inventive lad has wisely decided to let the world remix him for a while. "Play" is a fine album, his best yet. This unofficial page will take you inside the man's indescribable music with sound files, reviews and discussion. Plus, there's a full discography, a lyrics page, a mailing list ... in other words, kids, here's another unofficial page that make the official page seem sadly anemic and uninformative by comparison. Just the thing for a talent as big as Moby's - a talent too big to conform to a few lines of code and a RealAudio file. It's not the whole story of the man, but it's one hell of a good start.
 

The Passenger doesn't usually go for Gearhead lingo - c'mon, speak English, you freaks! - but Keith Dawson's Jargon Scout makes it seem so freaking attractive that I feel compelled to scrape the last chunks of analog off my cleats. Who can resist the temptation to make a verb of "dog food?" To urge some brainless Luddite to "STFW"? And isn't it time you set up that "reverse egosurfing" page? Yahoo! and a million others have featured this page, for two good reasons: it's entertaining in a cultural anthropology kind of way, and because you never know when Internesia may strike you or a loved one.
 

The Writer brings an inscribed copy of his novel to his new friend the Socialite; she places it on a previously bookless bookshelf and moons, "Doesn't that look nice?" A pair of would-be lovers wander the streets of New York together, looking for new experiences - avoiding the experience they obviously want, that of each other. Walk-up apartments, unrequited love, glamour, pain, independence. All of these themes, all of these stolen moments were cooked to perfection in 1961's "Breakfast at Tiffany's," the classic Audrey Hepburn film adapted from the Truman Capote novella. Matthew Cash's "Breakfast at Tiffany's" page explores a few of the questions opened by the film, marvels at the resonance the film still holds and offers a few tantalizing bits of trivia that can reshape a mere affection for the film into a full-blown obsession. A links page will only take you deeper. Did you know that Capote wrote the story with Marilyn Monroe in mind? That Alan Reed, who played jailed gangster Sally Tomato in the film, also voiced Fred Flintstone? That a Paramount executive wanted to cut "Moon River" from the film before release? "Notting Hill" can try all it wants, but unrequited love has already been done. And to near-perfection, at that.

Line up, kids - this one's got adult language and themes in it. Should be a winner. Just sign up for the mailing list below, and before you know anything, you'll be soaking in it. Cheers.