You're afraid of Rammstein? The "Du Hast" Rammstein, the "Hierate Mich" Rammstein, the we-get-a-discount-on-explosives-and-we're-gonna-use-it Rammstein? Don't be afraid. They're a bunch of pussycats, I tell ya. Not that I'd stack their theatricals against Kiss or Pink Floyd in their prime, but if you've been missing indoor fireworks, lasers and big rubber phalluses shooting what you hope is water, you really oughta give Rammstein a try. Provided you aren't too uptight about little pants.
 

Want to know how easy it is to make the Passenger happy? Dr. Andy Wood took a break from his duties at San Jose State University to invite the Passenger to Motel Americana, "a collection of highway motels, aging dinos, and abandoned tourist courts." He is now this column's new best friend. Part of Dr. Wood's Patented World Wide Web Elixir - worth visiting for its fabulous World's Fair, Route 66 and Edward Bellamy pages - Motel Americana isn't just cool, it's climate-controlled cool. Like the popular Roadside America page, Wood's site basks in the romance of the American highway - the decaying road signs, the motels shaped like teepees - but without the irreverence the larger site accords the subject. Rather, the good doctor and wife Jenny (his travelling companion and photographer) treat these establishments and landmarks with a love that transcends any mere fondness for kitsch. This is the closest you can come to a real road trip while still planted at your workstation - and the adventure, wonderment and wanderlust all feel as real as your butt sitting in that chair.
 

The Fabulous Ruins of Detroit site is far more poetic and beautiful than its name would immediately suggest. Sure, from the looks of things half the Motor City is in ruins - mostly abandoned auto plants - but great god in the foothills, what ruins they are. The sad, broken American Gothic of Brush Park speaks of a redevelopment project that never came to pass. Henry Ford's Model T Automobile Plant in Highland Park still stands as a symbol of the modern era, but has fallen into disrepair and may conceivably be destroyed. Even from photographs, the buildings sing a lonely, plaintive song: "What happened to me?" A section dubbed "The City Rises" details Detroit's ongoing preservation and restoration efforts, but as the sections preceding it demonstrate, there's still a long way to go. For now, the broken windows remain broken, the fallen signs stay down and the doors are boarded up. Touching and exquisite, this page is a must-see.
 

Jon Morris' Ape Law collects a number of pages - mostly comics-related - under a umbrella site ruled over by an animated GIF of a toy monkey crashing his cymbals together. "Every time his cymbals crash together, someone dies," the splash page somberly intones, adding, "Geez. Knock it off already." And kids, it's purely uphill from there, with 12 action-packed alcoves to warp your imagination. Maybe you'll head on to "What the Movies Have Taught Me about Aliens" in the "Laff" section (Number one: "Aliens hate our gaddam guts." Number seven: "Of course we know that Mars Needs Women - hell, I need a woman, too"). Maybe you'll thrill to the sight of your favorite Marvel and DC comics superheroes (oxymoron, I know) hawking delicious, nutritious Hostess snacky-cakes. Or perhaps you'll choose the path of least resistance: "And the man cried BACKGROUNDS," a page of tiled backgrounds/wallpaper that will make you feel really good about yourself, if you're into that kind of thing. No matter where you're coming from, in the end, we all find the Statue of Liberty on the beach and realize this was Earth all along. At least Morris has something funny to say about the whole freaking misadventure. And he links to my friend's El Fisico Nuclear page - two marks of distinction.
 

Why haven't I mentioned Ken Jordan and Scott Kirkland - a.k.a. The Crystal Method - before now? There's a perfectly good reason. I know it looks bad: the boys hail from the Center of the Known Universe, Las Vegas, just like me; we know a lot of The Same Guys; I've hung out on their tour bus. I was on the freaking bus and never mentioned them in this space! I should have given them more play before now, but I was waiting for their official page to rise to within shouting distance of their high-quality, charged techno breakbeats. That time has finally come to pass. Listen to snippets of the duo's propulsive and multi layered songs (which were used in every movie with humans in it last year), check out photos and video, and get dates for their upcoming Community Service tour with Orbital and Lo Fidelity All Stars. May the folly of my oversight pale in the sight of the genuine adulation I accord them now. Back on the bus, boys - the town's counting on you to bring home the title.

What's with Rammstein and their little pants? Okay, maybe you should fear them, a little. What can I say? I'm a long pants type of guy. Uh, right. Back out of the column slowly, bucko, maybe they didn't notice...